Ten things men don't understand about women
by Immortal Spud Thief
Summary: Long oneshot. Does exactly what is says on the tin .


Why we have to make the bed

"Nikki why are you making the bed?" Harry asked as he walked back into his room after having a shower to see his lover smoothing down the bed covers "We'll only get back in it later and mess it up again" he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her waist and started to kiss her neck. Nikki sighed and pushed him away before turning around and shaking her head.

"You are such a man" she told him and Harry nodded and smiled

"Thank you"

"That wasn't a compliment" Nikki giggled and Harry shrugged and went to kiss her again but Nikki reached up and placed her hand over his mouth and shook her head "No Harry we have to get ready to go to work and I've just made the bed, I know where one kiss will lead"

"But Nikki..." Harry whined and Nikki laughed and edged away from him

"No Harry"

"But why did you make the bed?" Harry asked again as if it was the strangest thing in the world "It's only me and you that see it"

"I should hope so" Nikki told him as she chuckled "But that's not the point, the point is it has to be neat and tidy"

"Control freak" Harry muttered good naturedly and ducked as a cushion came flying at him courtesy of his lover.

---

Why we take so long to get ready

"Come on Nikki you've been ages" Harry whined as he sat on the sofa checking his watch for what seemed like the tenth time in the last two minutes "It only took me ten minutes to get ready"

"Yes I can see that" Nikki said dryly from the door way where she was standing putting her lipstick on "At least one of us made an effort"

"Why are you doing all that?" Harry asked as he motioned in her general direction "You're beautiful without it"

"And I'm not with it?" Nikki asked him quickly and Harry didn't know if she was joking with him or not.

"Well...yes" he replied slowly "But you don't have to take so long getting ready when you are already beautiful to begin with"

"At least one of us is making an effort" Nikki told him and he pouted and looked down at his suit, his top button was undone and the tie he was meant to be wearing was just hanging around his neck, he hadn't even attempted to do it up "Come here" Nikki motioned to him as she finished doing her makeup and he sighed and stood up.

"Do I have to wear it?" he whined as Nikki tied his tie for him "I can think of other things we can do with it" he told her suggestively as he leant down to kiss her neck and Nikki chuckled and pushed him away.

"Is that all you think about?" she asked and Harry shrugged

"Are you ready now?" he asked and Nikki shook her head

"No, I still have to find the right pair of shoes"

Harry moaned loudly and collapsed onto the sofa as Nikki laughed and walked out of the room.

---

Why we have to browse 

"Seriously Nikki why didn't you buy that top in the other shop we went in?" Harry asked his lover as he was dragged into yet another clothes shop. He thought he would be a nice partner and take Nikki shopping but he was beginning to regret it as Nikki pulled him into every shop on the high street.

"Because it might be cheaper in another shop" Nikki replied "And I might buy it and then see another top that I like better"

"But Nikki..." Harry whined and she spun around to look at him

"Complain once more and you won't have sex for a week"

This shut Harry up, for about five minutes.

"Nikki come on" he whined as Nikki stood contemplating two tops that were in front of her "You'll look beautiful in both of them"

"Thank you Harry but I need to go back and look at the other top as well"

"For the love of all things Holy" Harry moaned loudly, needless to say he found himself on the sofa for a week

---

Why kisses on text messages are so important

"Harry where are my kisses?" Nikki moaned as she read through one of the texts Harry had sent her recently "I always send you kisses"

Harry looked up from where he was reading a case file and raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"Kisses?"

"Yeah you know those little crosses you can put at the end of texts" Nikki replied sarcastically "I give them to you and Leo"

"You give them to Leo?" Harry asked incredulously, all is attention now focussed on his best friend "I thought I was special"

"You are" Nikki replied in her 'special voice' and giggled at the look Harry shot her "Well I only give Leo a few because he's a friend and I give you lots because..." she stopped and blushed as she realised what she was saying and looked away, she was saved any more embarrassment by Mumford walking into the lab asking to speak with her.

Later on when she was at home she received a text from Harry, reading through it she grinned when she saw what it said.

'Sorry you had to deal with Mumford today. See you tomorrow, love Harry xxxxxxxxxxx"

---

Why chocolate makes things feel instantly better

"How can you eat so much chocolate" Harry asked Nikki one evening when they were sitting in his living room going over test results for their most recent case, one that involved a dead child and it was getting to Nikki. She had just eaten her way through a large bar of Galaxy chocolate and was just starting on a bar of Cadbury's Milk Chocolate.

"Because it makes me feel better" she replied as she popped a square in her mouth and offered some to Harry who declined with a shake of her head "Chocolate makes everything better"

"Ah so that is what you indulge in every time one of your inappropriate men is a prick" Harry nodded in understanding and Nikki shot him a withering look "But how does it help?"

"It just does"

"But how?" Harry was very intrigued now, he had heard that women were very partial to chocolate when they were upset or something was wrong but he had never encountered a man who thought the same, maybe it was just a woman thing.

"It's a law among women that chocolate makes everything better now shut up and leave me and my chocolate alone" Nikki replied tersely and Harry felt it best that he did just that.

---

Why we don't laugh at fart jokes

Nikki rolled her eyes as Bob Mumford laughed at one of the jokes that another police officer had just cracked, maybe if she was in a better mood and it wasn't Mumford she was currently with then she might have laughed at the joke but she found she wasn't amused in the slightest.

"Not amused Nikki?" Mumford asked and Nikki found herself wondering when she gave him permission to use her name instead of Dr Alexander, then she realised that she hadn't.

"No because we are standing next to the desecrated body of a young boy and I don't think it is the time for jokes" Nikki snapped at him and turned back to the body wondering how she had got stuck with a jerk like Mumford, there were just some jokes that only males could find funny, 'well males who had no personal life' Nikki thought to herself as she glared at Mumford's back.

---

Why one black bag/skirt/pair of heels isn't enough

"Don't you have a black handbag at home?" Harry asked Nikki innocently as she stood staring at a row of handbags while they were out shopping "Actually you have about ten"

"Don't exaggerate Harry" Nikki sighed "I've only got five"

"Five?" Harry practically screeched "You can only carry one at a time"

"But that's not the point darling" Nikki replied and turned to her husband "I need a new pair of shoes as well, I just can't wear the same ones all the time like someone I know" she eyed Harry up and down when she said this.

"But...you have a whole wardrobe at home full of shoes, boots, trainers, evening shoes, I can go on and on, why do you need more?"

"Because I am a woman and I need more shoes" Nikki snapped at him and Harry sighed and shook his head "and anyway I need more heels for after the baby is born" she told him and Harry smiled and gently rubbed her seven month pregnant stomach "because I need to make up for the fact that I can't wear heels with ankles as swollen as mine"

"But..." Harry couldn't think of a comeback for this and just sighed "Fine"

"And we need a bag for all the baby things" Nikki informed him with a smile

"God I hope our little girl isn't as bad as you" Harry mumbled causing Nikki to slap him on the arm none to gently.

"And I hope if we have a boy he'll put more thought and variety into what he wears" she snapped at him and he winced as she stormed out of the shop.

---

Why our hormones take over once a month

Harry and Leo jumped slightly when the lab door slammed open and hit the wall before bouncing off and flinging back again. Nikki stormed into the lab and threw her handbag onto her desk and started to take off her coat.

"Good morning" Leo smiled at Nikki after he and Harry exchanged a worried look

"Is it?" Nikki snapped as she looked up "Well I'm glad it is for you"

"What's wrong?" Harry asked in concern as he went to stand up

"What's wrong?" Nikki practically screeched "You bloody men don't have a clue what we go through once a month do you?" she shouted and Leo and Harry looked at each other again and mouthed 'Oh' to each other before looking back at Nikki "You just don't understand what we go through for you, I mean we suffer through periods when we're not pregnant and then when we are pregnant we don't get them but do we have a break oh no" Nikki was on a roll now and both men thought it better if they didn't say anything, there were some particularly sharp pencils on Nikki's desk "We get fat, get swollen ankles, weird cravings, back pains and then we have to give birth to the baby and you men have no clue what-so-ever" she then turned and stormed into the direction of the cutting room leaving a stunned silence in her wake. Leo let out a breath and turned to Harry.

"What's wrong with _her_?" Harry asked and Leo reached out and wacked him over the head with a case file.

---

Why we have to own so many pairs of shoes

"How many pairs of shoes did this woman own?" Harry asked in shock as he opened the deceased female's wardrobe looking for any sign of a murder weapon, instead of clothes he found racks of shoes. Nikki poked her head over Harry's shoulder and made a noise of that sounded to Harry like a sound of approval.

"Well you can't expect a woman to have just one pair of shoes can you?" Leo asked from the doorway where he was standing "Everything is okay here I take it?" he asked "I'll meet you back at the lab"

"But Leo have you seen how many shoes she has?" Harry asked still in shock and Leo walked over and took a look into the wardrobe.

"Yes I remember Teresa and Cassie having lots of shoes" he nodded, he found it easier to talk about his deceased wife and daughter than a few months before hand.

"Of course women do" came Nikki's voice from behind them and they both looked at her as she pointed to them "There are evening shoes, day shoes, trainers, comfortable shoes, shoes that we can shop in, shoes for dates, work shoes. The list goes on"

"You have shoes for shopping in?" Leo asked after a while and Nikki nodded as she placed a piece of evidence in a bag and missed the incredulous look that Harry and Leo gave each other

"Ones that are easy to get off in case I need to buy more shoes" she replied noncommittally and gave them both a blinding grin.

---

Why we like to be independent (but still want doors opened for us)

"Harry why do you insist on carrying my case?" Nikki asked as her and Harry walked down the corridor to the lab, Harry holding Nikki's evidence case in one hand. Harry had caught up with her as she had entered the lift to take her up to the lab and had taken the evidence case from her.

"Because it looks heavy" Harry shrugged and Nikki glared at him

"I am quite capable of carrying something heavy Harry" she snapped at him "I do like to be independent you know"

"I know tell me about it" Harry muttered to himself as they reached the double doors to the lab. Nikki stopped and turned to Harry who raised an eyebrow but got the message and held the door open for Nikki who grinned and leant up to kiss him on the cheek.

"Thank you" she giggled and walked through to the lab leaving Harry to marvel at how Nikki could be independent only when she wanted too. Harry smiled to himself as he walked into the lab as well, he found he didn't mind.

* * *

**Saw this on the MSN page when I logged on, there are some other ones as well so I might do oneshots with some of the other lists as well XP**

**xxx**


End file.
